Friday, November 20, 2009

Should I stay or should I go now?

It all comes down to opinions, mine, his, theirs and learned tracts on the wonder web. Is this German to be trusted? He says it works for a lot of people and he doesn't just do it willy nilly; they, the learned ones say we have no verified evidence. And evidence is the be all and end all these days. Till the next lot of evidence turns up, and we all follow it like sheep, we must believe in what we have as if it is sent down from above on tablets of stone. The academic historian in me wonders just how many tablets we have in fact as it's such a rare condition, we all seem to be different from each other and to be pursuing different paths in the treatment tournament. But try to tell that to the learned ones who hold their faith to the letter.

The decision must be made and I am a professional decision-maker I should be good at it; but in the make believe worlds of management or business it's not my actual life that is the subject of the pros or cons; to go this way might mean I live longer, feel the sun on my back, the rain in my shoes and my husband's hand in my own.. or it might mean I reduce my chances. It's very hard stuff and I'm not even getting paid to bear this level of accountability!

The money is an issue as well as ever; how much time do you think it is worth spending £20,000 on? How many family Christmases; Danny developments; kids' hugs and humour; crises and crescendos. Is it too expensive for 6 months, worth it for 12? You may get 24 or 60 no guarantees of course, you may have got it anyway; you pay your money and you take your chance.

We all know we can't take it with us, there are no pockets in shrouds and now is the time for risk taking if ever there was one. Bear with me, I am taking more soundings from the pundits, keeping them on board and sharpening up my risk bearing brain cells. In the end I will just say **** it and burst through the door ..or I wont.

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