Thursday, October 22, 2009
One door closes and another opens
Come in he says; how do you feel? fine says I except for my fat leg; mmm says he you will probably have that for the rest of your life and a cloud comes over his eyes or do I just imagine that now. Bad news he says from the scans, he says, seeds in your lungs have grown and more are showing up. Oh no say I for want of anything better; what does it mean what should I say? I've never been able to grow a seed in my life apart from the babies of course. He talks about evidence and sounds hopeless about treatments and I start to think is this really me and is it really happening; how should I behave? I ask about prognosis recognising its a big word but catch the eye of Stewart as I do so and he has the look of a dying man. There is talk of evidence and averages and it doesnt sink in that he is telling me I might be dead in 1 year's time or sooner; I do the maths and think I will opt for the upper end of the averages thank you and then he tells me to go off and do everything I have ever wanted to while I feel well and I cheer up; something to work on; another door opening as long, that is, I dont look at Stewart.